Friday, December 14, 2012

What could cause this?

What could make a person walk into an elementary school, and open fire on innocent kids?
What could make a person walk into a movie theater and shoot random people?
What could make a person lose so much value in their own life?
What could make a person lose so much value in their own life, it starts to make our lives worthless also?

Can someone not glance at another person and see a life, see meaning?
That person at the supermarket, at the bank, five doors down, across the world, IS A PERSON.
They are son/daughter, mother/father, Aunt/Uncle, Best Friend/Lover, Worker, a Human.
Every person here on this earth MEANS SOMETHING TO SOMEONE.

I do not understand. There are TONS of people who really, just... get on my last nerve.  Honestly, I probably do the same to you.  Yet, never once have I looked at someone and just saw flesh. Never Just saw someone taking up space.  We are all different. We mean something.  As a whole, as individual, as a family. We Mean Something.  You Mean Something.

The shooting in Newton, CT.... The teachers....  The children.  THE. CHILDREN.

I may not be able to handle being around kids for a long period of time, but you mess with the unborn and innocent children in the world. I will lose my mind.   My friend sent me a text about it.  I don't know these kids, or their families.  I sat in my bedroom and cried.   I want to fly there and just love on these people.   Just Love Them.

These children.....  These babies...  FIVE YEAR OLDS...   My mother teaches kindergarten.   I can't even understand... 

What was missing from the shooters life?  What could make him lose sooo much value in himself?  To take this kind of action against people.  Not just people, CHILDREN.

My heart is completely shattered.   I cannot describe what's going on in my head about this.  I know I cannot make it better for these families.   If I could hop on plane and just hug them or... make them supper. I don't know.  This is crazy.   Everyone in America is uniting in prayer for these families.   Remember them over this Christmas holiday, because while you get to hug you kids, these families have unopened present assigned for the innocent lives lost today.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Who knows Where YOU will be

I promised a blog, and here is a blog.  It might be crazy random, but that's just how my mind works. This will be long.

I was thinking earlier today about missions.  I give money.  Yet, I never really think about it much more honestly.  When someone says "missions" I automatically think of Africa, haha.  Seriously.  I know that missions is all over the world. Missions can also be defined as walking across the hallway, or over to neighbors house to invite them to church.  You don't have to cross a body of water to be a missionary.  We were all placed in our own mission field. I know that.   Here in America, the Bible, God's word, is so accessible. You can't be more than 10 miles away from any given church. Want to know a verse? Look it up online, download an app; or get an actual Bible...

Here in America, there are so many "christians."  (Yes, I use quotes because, do they know you're a christian because you're car is parked at a church, or because you're living it?  That's a blog for another time.)  There are so many of us here, we just need to live it.

I started thinking of all the people who can't click on an app, or pull out there Bible; people who can't even speak about it; people who don't even know about it.   My heart started to break.  They don't know Jesus. They don't know Love. They don't know forgiveness. THEY DON'T KNOW.  If someone doesn't know Jesus here, it's just because they don't want to.  Someone people don't know Jesus, because they aren't allowed to know. They don't have any way to know.

So I instantly decided I wanted to go on a mission trip.  I don't know if it's a calling; I just want to try it at least once.  I want to love on people like I have been loved on.

("You can help people here."  I do, I try.   Feed the Hope in Nashville this past youth convention was amazing,  I LOVED feeling like I made a difference.  It made me realize how much I love people.  I love giving my time to people, to make them happy, and try give them what they need.   I try to help out as much as I can with the people that are placed in my life.)

So, I want to go on a mission trip. I don't care where. I don't care how I get there. I want to be there.


I was driving home from school.  I was thinking about how I love music.  I was thanking God for using me in that area, and just wanting him to keep using me and that he would be glorified.  I started thinking about how I wanted to get better at guitar.

I was just talking to myself, or something.  I was thinking about how acoustic guitars or instruments are great. You don't have to have a fancy sound system for them, they are easier than some instruments to carry from place to place.  I started thinking about how awesome worship is.  Just praising Him is amazing. He overwhelms you with his peace, or it gives you complete joy.   He doesn't ask for a full praise band, a loud sound system, or colorful stage lights.  He wants a pure heart.  Honestly, you don't even need a guitar.

I started thinking about missions again. They don't know God, so they don't know Peace.  They have never worshiped him.

I had to pull over to the side of the road.  I cried so hard.

Something supernatural, God's blessings and victories, are given to us through worship.  There is just something about it.  (You could be sitting there saying "I sing at church every time I go and I never feel anything."   Worship isn't just singing. Another blog for another time.)  

Something stirred in my heart.  I got so excited.

I don't even know where to go with this blog now. My heart flutters... Just to think about how much glory God would would get.  We'd have NEW brothers and sisters in Christ.  NEW MEMBERS OF THE KINGDOM!  How happy that would make God, to have his children praising Him!!!

I just get so excited.  Am I a worship leader? Not that I know of..  Am I missionary? Not that I know of..  Am I am worship leader for a mission trip? Not that I know of..  But,  I do know God is up to something, and He calls me to be any (or all) of those things.  You better believe I will do it.

I'm searching right now for any mission trips.   I just ask, that you would pray about this. Pray for me. Or Pray about this FOR YOU.  Does God want this FOR YOU?

Friday, August 24, 2012

Broke and Poor Puzzle Piece

Okay, So. College cost A LOT...  It has also made me cut my hours at work, so now I'm broke.   Books alone cost me almost 400 dollars, not mention what I will spend in gas to drive back and forth..  (I thought it would be cheaper that way, but with gas prices the way they are.... I doubt it)    I mean, this is the beginning of the rest of my life.... I don't even know what I am having for supper tonight... but what the rest of my life? Like... Where I want to work, how much money I want to make, where will I need to live to find a good job, If I'm moving out does this mean that I need to start thinking about if I want to get married?

I serious put myself through all these questions.  I get so confused, nervous, and just flat out  FREAKED OUT.   This really is the "baby steps" to the rest of my life...    I'm being told "Be here."  "Do that." "You should be this" "There is money in this."  ""You'd be better at that."  "You still don't know what you want to be?"   With all these voices, these opinions of OTHER people's dreams for me... I forget that there is a bigger picture.   A bigger picture that none of us can see.  I'm just a little puzzle piece, trying to find my place.  I pray so hard about where God wants me to be, what HE wants me to be.  Because, if I don't follow HIS will, there will be people out there who might not hear about Jesus..  All because I followed other people or I just randomly picked something.

Now, I no longer have my life in jeopardy, but I have the lives that I am supposed to sew into.  There is no way I want someone to spend their life not knowing the good news just because I was selfish in my decisions, or I followed someone's else will for my life, and not HIS.

Maybe I'm just rambling because I'm nervous about school starting.  Maybe I don't make any sense.   All I know is that I REFUSE to live my life below God's dreams for me.  He has a better for me than I can even begin to imagine.    I hope that one day, I am able to look back, at this or just look back at my life, and say that I lived for Him.   I pray that I am able to see His hand over my life; even more than it has been.    

Friday, August 3, 2012

Chick-Fil-A Christianity

Everyone knows about this uproar about Chick-Fil-A and what they said and blah blah blah...

These are my thoughts about it, may not measure to a hill of beans... But. I figured I would explain how I see the problem.

I agree that Marriage should be between a man and woman.  I believe that with all my heart.  Yet, I'm not going to hate you, shun you, or be bad to you just because you believe the opposite, or you are homosexual.   I have no right to judge you or your actions.  We live in America, with Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Religion.  Since we have freedom of speech, I don't understand why it was a big deal; they never rejected costumers that were homosexual...

Then August 1 was "Support Chick-Fil-A Day" or whatever.. Crowds and CROWDS of people showed to eat a tasty chicken Sandwich and waffle fries "All of the Sake of Standing up for God." 

WOAH. WATCH OUT. I BET GOD REALLY LOVED THAT SACRIFICE YOU MADE THERE.  Spending about five bucks on a meal, You really showed how much you love God by stuffing your face with food.

Sad things is, we wouldn't see even half those Christians  helping at a food bank or Homeless shelter..  Which is something Jesus would actually do.
I mean, I'm really glad that everyone "stuck together" and backed up Chick-Fil-A and everything.. But It's easy to back up Christianity when it doesn't require real sacrifice..

Friday, July 20, 2012

Rules and Regulations

Here recently, I feel like this whole "church" thing has become way too complicated. 
I mean, I'm all for being organized and such, but we have created so many rules, or "standards", that I feel aren't really even needed..

Something I really don't like is when people say they don't know how to pray.  I, personally, am not into fancy prayers.  God doesn't care if you pray in King James.  God doesn't care if you use big words.   All He wants is for you to acknowledge Him as God, and bring your worries, problems, and cares to Him.   Then, just thank Him for listening.    In the Bible, it talks about where is was disgusted by the Pharisee's fancy prayers.  Be cause they didn't have feelings/meaning behind it.  Maybe, your feelings can be expressed in big huge fancy words. Mine can't. I think God's just fine with that.  Prayer is seriously just talking to Him.

"I can't come to church, I don't have any good clothes." What??  I go to church all the time and all I wear is blue jeans and a shirt. and I'm talking about "dark blue jeans" and a "dressy top"  I show up in faded jeans and ninja shirts.  Because, I believe in a God who judges us on our hearts, not what we wear.  I mean, don't show up with Boob crack and butt crack hanging out.    Now, some of the older people in the church may have a problem, but once again.. You are there for GOD. Not them.

"I need to get myself  together before I go to church..."  Ummm. No. All Jesus said was "Follow me."  Just.. "Follow me."    No where in that sentence do I read "Okay, Go back, stop being bad, stop talking to him/her. Just stop being you."   Umm.. No.  "Follow me"   Just as you are.  Right here, in this moment.  He doesn't care who you are, but He believes in who you will be.

Jesus was frustrated with all the rules and regulations the Pharisee's had set up in Temple, as well as , across the land...   Why do we have so many rules in his temple now?

Thursday, May 17, 2012


Most people have not seen my house, never been in it, and have definitely never been in my bedroom.  for the few who have been in my room, he first thing they usually notice are all the mirrors..  Yeah, I have about... 9 mirrors in my bedroom.  I love mirrors, but not to "check myself out" but I realized that mirrors can be powerful things.

Most people say that I must really self centered to have that that many mirrors in my bedroom. That's not the case at all..   Mirrors show more than just your apperence, that person in the mirrors... That's the one person you can't hide from.  That person staring back at you is the one person who knows everything you've ever done: all your actions, thoughts, your secrets.. You can fool everyone else, but that person glaring back at you in the mirror, knows.

Through a series of weird life events, I've seen that I'm actually a really bitter person.  Extremely bitter.   I have been so.... mad... angry... hurt... (and these words seem to be an understatement.)  The only way I handled it was to lash out at people, to lash out at myself.  I was soo flustered, and I realized... they were not the problem... I was.

Over and over again, I said I forgave these people. I thought I was over it.  Things kept coming back up.  After, I realized it was actually all my fault, I had forgiven THEM.... But I hadn't forgave.... myself.  I disgusted myself.  Looking in mirrors, I didn't see myself. I saw a monster.  Maybe I was too hard on myself, I don't know.  Once I realized that I was actually upset with myself, I could face the problem.  You guys probably think I'm crazy. 

but I had to face the person in the Mirror...   and I wonder, if you're angry, or upset... is the problem really with other people? or.. Is it with the person in the mirror?

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Waiting On That.

I know you guys are sick of this topic but, It's something so incredibly dear to my heart.

I was sitting in one of my classes a few weeks ago, and one of my peers noticed the ring I wear every day on my ring finger.

Her: "What's that?"
Me: "A ring.."
Her: "Let me see it.... It reads "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.  What is this?"
Me: "It just reminds me God's got my back... and I'm using it as my True Love Waits ring."

(I have absolutely no shame and I don't feel embarrassed to tell people It's a true love waits, or the fact that I feel that way.)

She says: "What are you waiting on..."

I mean, I have been made fun of for this.... for a long time.  I've even told that the "Only people who believe that are the people who can't find someone."    Does it bother me? No.. I mean, it used too.  It used to make me feel really horrible about myself.  I got over it. Simple as that.

Because, It absolutely breaks and shatters my heart when I see these girls.... and They feel worthless.. Because of some stupid guy.   These girls..  change themselves to fit what the guy wants.  I've seen a girl completely stop eating  just so she can "lose weight" because HER BOYFRIEND said she was TOO FAT.  Which she wasn't much bigger than I am.   To hear these girls "Oh my gosh, I just love him." one day... then the next week, "He broke up with me the day after we had sex."   I don't understand why people want to put themselves through that... Sex won't make him love, and a Baby won't make him stay.

Seeing these girls.. exposing themselves for the guys... who just want sex.  You're setting yourself up for heartbreak.. That's not asking for respect..  To put on globs of make-up where you don't even look like yourself. (I'm not saying make-up is bad.. I'm just saying you know when it's too much..)  Have this punk of a guy, look at you and call you names.. and you giggle and say "ha ha, oh stop it."   Stop lowering yourself.

So now... as think of her looking at my ring then looking up at me... saying "What are you waiting on."

I'm waiting on that guy who RESPECTS me.  I make A LOT of stupid mistakes, He's gonna have realize, tons of people have tried to fix that.[haha] I'm looking for the guy who I can actually have real conversations with.   I'm waiting on that guy who can handle my weirdness. I haven't changed for anyone yet, I'm not planning on it any time soon.  If he doesn't like to see me in my M&M fuzzy pants and my Camouflage  shirt with my hair a frizzy Afro hair in a bun, then he doesn't deserve me in wedding dress.  If he can't respect you while you're dating... in front of his and your friends.... what makes you think he will respect you when you're living together behind closed doors?    I'm waiting for that guy, who can be a spiritual leader of our household.  I'm waiting on that True Love.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

After the One...?

I think this is one amazing story... And this is kind of my first time writing one, so If I messed up a lot. I'm sorry.. And before you go to thinking that I'm preaching at you, I promise I'm not trying too.. It's just something I'm working on.

Okay, So, Most of us know the story in the Bible of the Woman at the Well.   And this is where the story kind of starts John Chapter 4:4  "Jesus had to go through Samaria on the way back to Galilee.  [Which was about an extra two days on his part]  He came to the village of Sychar, near the field that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.  (6) Jacob's well was there; and Jesus, tired from the walk, sat wearily beside the well at about noon time.  Soon a Samaritan  woman came to draw water from the well, and Jesus asked 'Please give me a drink.'"
Now, In case you are not aware, they did not have air conditioning, cars, or fans.  Noon time was not a great time to be out and about just chillin'.  It was HOT.    It was probably rather miserable.   Now, Why would a lady be drawing water in the middle of the day?
(Skipping ahead a few verses)  (16) Go and Get your husband" Jesus told her.  "I do not have ahusband," the woman replied.  Jesus said "You're right!  You don't have a husband--for you have had five husbands and you aren't even married to the one you're living with now! You certainly spoke the truth!" 

So, You have to think.   This one woman has had five husbands (goodness, I can't even get one boyfriend! LOL) and the man she is living with now isn't even her husband!  So, Devorice nowadays isn't a big deal to most people. BAck in these days, It was WAYYY bad to get one. but this woman had FIVE.  Most women went to the well in the late afternoon, but she went during the heat of the day to escape the other harsh women.

(Skipping more verses)  (25) The woman said "I know the Messiah is coming--the one who is called Christ.  When He comes, He will explain everything.  Then Jesus told her, "I AM the Messiah!" .......(28) the woman left her water jar beside  the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, " come see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?" .......(39) Many Saritians  from the village believed in Jesus because of the woman who said "He told me everything I did!"

This woman (in the eyes of the world and of pople) she was repulsive, gross, she was basically whore.  No one wanted anything to do with her, Remember? She was out at noon!   Yet, Jesus... Jesus took those extra miles... Those extra two days.. For ONE woman.. He looked at her with compassion.  With a love, none of her five husbands or her boyfriend could give her.  That one woman who thought nothing of herself, that ONE soul who was looking everywhere.  HE saw HER. THE ONE woman who would go out and tell everyone.

Listen, I know where I have been. I know what I have been through, and it was a lot of mess the God had to reach through.  HE went those extra miles for me... All that, NASTY and UGLY stuff, for ONE PERSON.  FOR ONE SOUL.  Nothing stops HIM.  He was, and still is, after the one.