Friday, August 24, 2012

Broke and Poor Puzzle Piece

Okay, So. College cost A LOT...  It has also made me cut my hours at work, so now I'm broke.   Books alone cost me almost 400 dollars, not mention what I will spend in gas to drive back and forth..  (I thought it would be cheaper that way, but with gas prices the way they are.... I doubt it)    I mean, this is the beginning of the rest of my life.... I don't even know what I am having for supper tonight... but what the rest of my life? Like... Where I want to work, how much money I want to make, where will I need to live to find a good job, If I'm moving out does this mean that I need to start thinking about if I want to get married?

I serious put myself through all these questions.  I get so confused, nervous, and just flat out  FREAKED OUT.   This really is the "baby steps" to the rest of my life...    I'm being told "Be here."  "Do that." "You should be this" "There is money in this."  ""You'd be better at that."  "You still don't know what you want to be?"   With all these voices, these opinions of OTHER people's dreams for me... I forget that there is a bigger picture.   A bigger picture that none of us can see.  I'm just a little puzzle piece, trying to find my place.  I pray so hard about where God wants me to be, what HE wants me to be.  Because, if I don't follow HIS will, there will be people out there who might not hear about Jesus..  All because I followed other people or I just randomly picked something.

Now, I no longer have my life in jeopardy, but I have the lives that I am supposed to sew into.  There is no way I want someone to spend their life not knowing the good news just because I was selfish in my decisions, or I followed someone's else will for my life, and not HIS.

Maybe I'm just rambling because I'm nervous about school starting.  Maybe I don't make any sense.   All I know is that I REFUSE to live my life below God's dreams for me.  He has a better for me than I can even begin to imagine.    I hope that one day, I am able to look back, at this or just look back at my life, and say that I lived for Him.   I pray that I am able to see His hand over my life; even more than it has been.    

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