Most people have not seen my house, never been in it, and have definitely never been in my bedroom. for the few who have been in my room, he first thing they usually notice are all the mirrors.. Yeah, I have about... 9 mirrors in my bedroom. I love mirrors, but not to "check myself out" but I realized that mirrors can be powerful things.
Most people say that I must really self centered to have that that many mirrors in my bedroom. That's not the case at all.. Mirrors show more than just your apperence, that person in the mirrors... That's the one person you can't hide from. That person staring back at you is the one person who knows everything you've ever done: all your actions, thoughts, your secrets.. You can fool everyone else, but that person glaring back at you in the mirror, knows.
Through a series of weird life events, I've seen that I'm actually a really bitter person. Extremely bitter. I have been so.... mad... angry... hurt... (and these words seem to be an understatement.) The only way I handled it was to lash out at people, to lash out at myself. I was soo flustered, and I realized... they were not the problem... I was.
Over and over again, I said I forgave these people. I thought I was over it. Things kept coming back up. After, I realized it was actually all my fault, I had forgiven THEM.... But I hadn't forgave.... myself. I disgusted myself. Looking in mirrors, I didn't see myself. I saw a monster. Maybe I was too hard on myself, I don't know. Once I realized that I was actually upset with myself, I could face the problem. You guys probably think I'm crazy.
but I had to face the person in the Mirror... and I wonder, if you're angry, or upset... is the problem really with other people? or.. Is it with the person in the mirror?
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Waiting On That.
I know you guys are sick of this topic but, It's something so incredibly dear to my heart.
I was sitting in one of my classes a few weeks ago, and one of my peers noticed the ring I wear every day on my ring finger.
Her: "What's that?"
Me: "A ring.."
Her: "Let me see it.... It reads "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. What is this?"
Me: "It just reminds me God's got my back... and I'm using it as my True Love Waits ring."
(I have absolutely no shame and I don't feel embarrassed to tell people It's a true love waits, or the fact that I feel that way.)
She says: "What are you waiting on..."
I mean, I have been made fun of for this.... for a long time. I've even told that the "Only people who believe that are the people who can't find someone." Does it bother me? No.. I mean, it used too. It used to make me feel really horrible about myself. I got over it. Simple as that.
Because, It absolutely breaks and shatters my heart when I see these girls.... and They feel worthless.. Because of some stupid guy. These girls.. change themselves to fit what the guy wants. I've seen a girl completely stop eating just so she can "lose weight" because HER BOYFRIEND said she was TOO FAT. Which she wasn't much bigger than I am. To hear these girls "Oh my gosh, I just love him." one day... then the next week, "He broke up with me the day after we had sex." I don't understand why people want to put themselves through that... Sex won't make him love, and a Baby won't make him stay.
Seeing these girls.. exposing themselves for the guys... who just want sex. You're setting yourself up for heartbreak.. That's not asking for respect.. To put on globs of make-up where you don't even look like yourself. (I'm not saying make-up is bad.. I'm just saying you know when it's too much..) Have this punk of a guy, look at you and call you names.. and you giggle and say "ha ha, oh stop it." Stop lowering yourself.
So now... as think of her looking at my ring then looking up at me... saying "What are you waiting on."
I'm waiting on that guy who RESPECTS me. I make A LOT of stupid mistakes, He's gonna have realize, tons of people have tried to fix that.[haha] I'm looking for the guy who I can actually have real conversations with. I'm waiting on that guy who can handle my weirdness. I haven't changed for anyone yet, I'm not planning on it any time soon. If he doesn't like to see me in my M&M fuzzy pants and my Camouflage shirt with my hair a frizzy Afro hair in a bun, then he doesn't deserve me in wedding dress. If he can't respect you while you're dating... in front of his and your friends.... what makes you think he will respect you when you're living together behind closed doors? I'm waiting for that guy, who can be a spiritual leader of our household. I'm waiting on that True Love.
I was sitting in one of my classes a few weeks ago, and one of my peers noticed the ring I wear every day on my ring finger.
Her: "What's that?"
Me: "A ring.."
Her: "Let me see it.... It reads "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. What is this?"
Me: "It just reminds me God's got my back... and I'm using it as my True Love Waits ring."
(I have absolutely no shame and I don't feel embarrassed to tell people It's a true love waits, or the fact that I feel that way.)
She says: "What are you waiting on..."
I mean, I have been made fun of for this.... for a long time. I've even told that the "Only people who believe that are the people who can't find someone." Does it bother me? No.. I mean, it used too. It used to make me feel really horrible about myself. I got over it. Simple as that.
Because, It absolutely breaks and shatters my heart when I see these girls.... and They feel worthless.. Because of some stupid guy. These girls.. change themselves to fit what the guy wants. I've seen a girl completely stop eating just so she can "lose weight" because HER BOYFRIEND said she was TOO FAT. Which she wasn't much bigger than I am. To hear these girls "Oh my gosh, I just love him." one day... then the next week, "He broke up with me the day after we had sex." I don't understand why people want to put themselves through that... Sex won't make him love, and a Baby won't make him stay.
Seeing these girls.. exposing themselves for the guys... who just want sex. You're setting yourself up for heartbreak.. That's not asking for respect.. To put on globs of make-up where you don't even look like yourself. (I'm not saying make-up is bad.. I'm just saying you know when it's too much..) Have this punk of a guy, look at you and call you names.. and you giggle and say "ha ha, oh stop it." Stop lowering yourself.
So now... as think of her looking at my ring then looking up at me... saying "What are you waiting on."
I'm waiting on that guy who RESPECTS me. I make A LOT of stupid mistakes, He's gonna have realize, tons of people have tried to fix that.[haha] I'm looking for the guy who I can actually have real conversations with. I'm waiting on that guy who can handle my weirdness. I haven't changed for anyone yet, I'm not planning on it any time soon. If he doesn't like to see me in my M&M fuzzy pants and my Camouflage shirt with my hair a frizzy Afro hair in a bun, then he doesn't deserve me in wedding dress. If he can't respect you while you're dating... in front of his and your friends.... what makes you think he will respect you when you're living together behind closed doors? I'm waiting for that guy, who can be a spiritual leader of our household. I'm waiting on that True Love.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
After the One...?
I think this is one amazing story... And this is kind of my first time writing one, so If I messed up a lot. I'm sorry.. And before you go to thinking that I'm preaching at you, I promise I'm not trying too.. It's just something I'm working on.
Okay, So, Most of us know the story in the Bible of the Woman at the Well. And this is where the story kind of starts John Chapter 4:4 "Jesus had to go through Samaria on the way back to Galilee. [Which was about an extra two days on his part] He came to the village of Sychar, near the field that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. (6) Jacob's well was there; and Jesus, tired from the walk, sat wearily beside the well at about noon time. Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water from the well, and Jesus asked 'Please give me a drink.'"
Now, In case you are not aware, they did not have air conditioning, cars, or fans. Noon time was not a great time to be out and about just chillin'. It was HOT. It was probably rather miserable. Now, Why would a lady be drawing water in the middle of the day?
(Skipping ahead a few verses) (16) Go and Get your husband" Jesus told her. "I do not have ahusband," the woman replied. Jesus said "You're right! You don't have a husband--for you have had five husbands and you aren't even married to the one you're living with now! You certainly spoke the truth!"
So, You have to think. This one woman has had five husbands (goodness, I can't even get one boyfriend! LOL) and the man she is living with now isn't even her husband! So, Devorice nowadays isn't a big deal to most people. BAck in these days, It was WAYYY bad to get one. but this woman had FIVE. Most women went to the well in the late afternoon, but she went during the heat of the day to escape the other harsh women.
(Skipping more verses) (25) The woman said "I know the Messiah is coming--the one who is called Christ. When He comes, He will explain everything. Then Jesus told her, "I AM the Messiah!" .......(28) the woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, " come see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?" .......(39) Many Saritians from the village believed in Jesus because of the woman who said "He told me everything I did!"
This woman (in the eyes of the world and of pople) she was repulsive, gross, she was basically whore. No one wanted anything to do with her, Remember? She was out at noon! Yet, Jesus... Jesus took those extra miles... Those extra two days.. For ONE woman.. He looked at her with compassion. With a love, none of her five husbands or her boyfriend could give her. That one woman who thought nothing of herself, that ONE soul who was looking everywhere. HE saw HER. THE ONE woman who would go out and tell everyone.
Listen, I know where I have been. I know what I have been through, and it was a lot of mess the God had to reach through. HE went those extra miles for me... All that, NASTY and UGLY stuff, for ONE PERSON. FOR ONE SOUL. Nothing stops HIM. He was, and still is, after the one.
Okay, So, Most of us know the story in the Bible of the Woman at the Well. And this is where the story kind of starts John Chapter 4:4 "Jesus had to go through Samaria on the way back to Galilee. [Which was about an extra two days on his part] He came to the village of Sychar, near the field that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. (6) Jacob's well was there; and Jesus, tired from the walk, sat wearily beside the well at about noon time. Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water from the well, and Jesus asked 'Please give me a drink.'"
Now, In case you are not aware, they did not have air conditioning, cars, or fans. Noon time was not a great time to be out and about just chillin'. It was HOT. It was probably rather miserable. Now, Why would a lady be drawing water in the middle of the day?
(Skipping ahead a few verses) (16) Go and Get your husband" Jesus told her. "I do not have ahusband," the woman replied. Jesus said "You're right! You don't have a husband--for you have had five husbands and you aren't even married to the one you're living with now! You certainly spoke the truth!"
So, You have to think. This one woman has had five husbands (goodness, I can't even get one boyfriend! LOL) and the man she is living with now isn't even her husband! So, Devorice nowadays isn't a big deal to most people. BAck in these days, It was WAYYY bad to get one. but this woman had FIVE. Most women went to the well in the late afternoon, but she went during the heat of the day to escape the other harsh women.
(Skipping more verses) (25) The woman said "I know the Messiah is coming--the one who is called Christ. When He comes, He will explain everything. Then Jesus told her, "I AM the Messiah!" .......(28) the woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, " come see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?" .......(39) Many Saritians from the village believed in Jesus because of the woman who said "He told me everything I did!"
This woman (in the eyes of the world and of pople) she was repulsive, gross, she was basically whore. No one wanted anything to do with her, Remember? She was out at noon! Yet, Jesus... Jesus took those extra miles... Those extra two days.. For ONE woman.. He looked at her with compassion. With a love, none of her five husbands or her boyfriend could give her. That one woman who thought nothing of herself, that ONE soul who was looking everywhere. HE saw HER. THE ONE woman who would go out and tell everyone.
Listen, I know where I have been. I know what I have been through, and it was a lot of mess the God had to reach through. HE went those extra miles for me... All that, NASTY and UGLY stuff, for ONE PERSON. FOR ONE SOUL. Nothing stops HIM. He was, and still is, after the one.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Feed the Hope; Changing lives, one prayer and box at a time.
Maybe you guys have noticed my Facebook updates this past weekend about going and picking up trash and handing out food. Well, here you go, a more detailed look at it.
This took place in different churches all throughout Nashville. We unloaded corn, green beans, pumpkin pies, a ten pound turkey, cranberry sauce, apples, rolls, and a Bible. We made and taped the boxes, put all the food in them. 176 meals, put together and organized in 30 minutes(Just at one location). All together we fed over 4,000 people.
You always see commericals on T.V. "For just 9 cents a day you can give a child a meal for a month." And there is NOTHING wrong with giving to that. It just takes it to another level when you get to see the people. When you get to pray with them, and hug them. As I sat a box of Thankgiving dinner in the back of a car, a little girl, probably about 4 or 5 years old, looked at the box. She leaned up to the front seat and looked at her mom. "So, we get to have Thankgiving this year momma?"
It took everything I had to keep from crying.
Just loving on these people. These women, men, and children... To show Jesus to these people; is definitely something I will NEVER forget.
Fedding over 4,000 people isn't something that we could do by ourselves. The ONLY wayit happened was because GOD helped. I believe that with all my heart, God blessed everyone who helped, planning it doing it, eating it. ALL OF IT WAS IN GOD'S HANDS.
This took place in different churches all throughout Nashville. We unloaded corn, green beans, pumpkin pies, a ten pound turkey, cranberry sauce, apples, rolls, and a Bible. We made and taped the boxes, put all the food in them. 176 meals, put together and organized in 30 minutes(Just at one location). All together we fed over 4,000 people.
You always see commericals on T.V. "For just 9 cents a day you can give a child a meal for a month." And there is NOTHING wrong with giving to that. It just takes it to another level when you get to see the people. When you get to pray with them, and hug them. As I sat a box of Thankgiving dinner in the back of a car, a little girl, probably about 4 or 5 years old, looked at the box. She leaned up to the front seat and looked at her mom. "So, we get to have Thankgiving this year momma?"
It took everything I had to keep from crying.
Just loving on these people. These women, men, and children... To show Jesus to these people; is definitely something I will NEVER forget.
Fedding over 4,000 people isn't something that we could do by ourselves. The ONLY wayit happened was because GOD helped. I believe that with all my heart, God blessed everyone who helped, planning it doing it, eating it. ALL OF IT WAS IN GOD'S HANDS.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Unite the community; then unite the world.
Something I've noticed with peers at my school, on the rare times we actually get on the subject of Jesus, that the conversation has an outline of something like this.
Student 1: "Yeah, I go to church in South Fulton."
Student 2: "Oh, I go to church in Union city."
S1: "We are having a youth night, Wanna come?"
S2: "Well.. It depends.. What do you believe?"
S1: "I'm baptist."
S2: "I'm (Insert any other religion), so I can't."
I've heard this happen many different times. It makes me frustrated to hear that; because I don't understand what that has to do with anything. That's why, even people ask me what I believe. I say "I believe God sent His son, Jesus. Jesus died for our sins. Back to life again. And I praise Him accordingly."
Why does it matter what church someone goes too? If they believe Jesus is the ONLY way to Heaven; and it's KINGDOM work, then why does church matter? Jesus is Jesus. We are called to spread His news to all the world, and how do we expect to do that if we let church names get in our way? Do you really think in Heaven there will be a Baptist section, or a Church of Christ section, or Pentecostal section? Nah; When the Bible says Jesus is coming back for his bride. It means the church. Not any certain type of church, it's His true believers.
I know that as long as we are in these human bodies, we won't all get along, but I just wish that we could at least TRY to see the bigger picture here. If we can come together in our community what makes us think that we can unite the world?
Student 1: "Yeah, I go to church in South Fulton."
Student 2: "Oh, I go to church in Union city."
S1: "We are having a youth night, Wanna come?"
S2: "Well.. It depends.. What do you believe?"
S1: "I'm baptist."
S2: "I'm (Insert any other religion), so I can't."
I've heard this happen many different times. It makes me frustrated to hear that; because I don't understand what that has to do with anything. That's why, even people ask me what I believe. I say "I believe God sent His son, Jesus. Jesus died for our sins. Back to life again. And I praise Him accordingly."
Why does it matter what church someone goes too? If they believe Jesus is the ONLY way to Heaven; and it's KINGDOM work, then why does church matter? Jesus is Jesus. We are called to spread His news to all the world, and how do we expect to do that if we let church names get in our way? Do you really think in Heaven there will be a Baptist section, or a Church of Christ section, or Pentecostal section? Nah; When the Bible says Jesus is coming back for his bride. It means the church. Not any certain type of church, it's His true believers.
I know that as long as we are in these human bodies, we won't all get along, but I just wish that we could at least TRY to see the bigger picture here. If we can come together in our community what makes us think that we can unite the world?
Friday, October 7, 2011
I think we are missing something...?
Straight up. I think something is missing from most churches nowadays.
I'm starting to think it's God.
"OH SNAP!! DID SHE JUST SAY THAT GOD IS MISSING FROM THE CHURCH?!"
Yeah, Yeah I did. I think some church are really missing the point to what the church is SUPPOSED to stand for. I've been to some churches where it was all clicks ,and if you didn't belong to certain click, you were constantly harped on by other members. I've been to churches where it's all about the worship team, or the worship leader. Who could sing the loudest or the best, who had lead. It wasn't on God anymore, instead it was more like "I Exalt Me." instead of exalting Him. I've been to churches where it was about the preachers. The the preacher-ah preached like this-ah. Then the people-ah will getting into the message-ah. When really it was all empty words.. Some churches, are all about religion.
"OH SNAP I KNOW SHE DIDN'T"
Yeah, Yeah I did. Jesus HATED religion, and religious leaders. In one story, where a man sat next to pool of water, and every soo often the water would be stirring, and if the water was stirring and you got in you would be healed. Jesus talked to that man one day, healed the man and said "Pick up your mat and go." You maybe thinking, "How is this showing He hated religion? Well, Jesus did this on a Sunday, the Sabbath. No work was to be on the Sabbath. (Apparently the dude carrying his mat home was "work") The Religious leaders stopped him and asked "Why are you walking. You've never been able to walk." "That awesome amazing guy over there did."
Being the Son of God that Jesus was, I'm sure he was fully aware of the fact that no work was to be done on the Sabbath, but he healed the man away. I think, part of the reason Jesus did this, was to show how much He hate all these rules, these non-sense "religious laws", they had come up with. Yet, some churches are starting to be more into religion instead of a relationship with Jesus. No one wants to make anyone feel uncomfortable at church... Jesus wasn't to worried about making people uncomfortable, freaking people out with His awesome powers and stuff. Why do we contain our love for Him?
If I was Jesus, and I carried that HUGE cross up this massive hill, Got beat almost to death, hung on a cross, stabbed, Beat up Satan and Hell, and got raised again. I wouldn't want these two-second prayers "Dear Jesus, Thank you for everything, Help me be better. Amen." (When the prayers actually tanslate into "Dear Guy I'm forced to pray to, I got everything under control. I'm really glad I can live my life the way I want, and still think I'm okay with you.")
I, myself, am more concerned with the praise I think Jesus deserves. I don't care is around, or who is listening, or what people are thinking, or what your "rules" say. When my God tells me to WORSHIP, I will give it all I got. I'll jump, dance, stand still, fall on my face, cry, sing, or dance. I'll do ANYTHING for the GOD that didn't have to ANYTHING for me, INSTEAD He does EVERYTHING for me.
I'm starting to think it's God.
"OH SNAP!! DID SHE JUST SAY THAT GOD IS MISSING FROM THE CHURCH?!"
Yeah, Yeah I did. I think some church are really missing the point to what the church is SUPPOSED to stand for. I've been to some churches where it was all clicks ,and if you didn't belong to certain click, you were constantly harped on by other members. I've been to churches where it's all about the worship team, or the worship leader. Who could sing the loudest or the best, who had lead. It wasn't on God anymore, instead it was more like "I Exalt Me." instead of exalting Him. I've been to churches where it was about the preachers. The the preacher-ah preached like this-ah. Then the people-ah will getting into the message-ah. When really it was all empty words.. Some churches, are all about religion.
"OH SNAP I KNOW SHE DIDN'T"
Yeah, Yeah I did. Jesus HATED religion, and religious leaders. In one story, where a man sat next to pool of water, and every soo often the water would be stirring, and if the water was stirring and you got in you would be healed. Jesus talked to that man one day, healed the man and said "Pick up your mat and go." You maybe thinking, "How is this showing He hated religion? Well, Jesus did this on a Sunday, the Sabbath. No work was to be on the Sabbath. (Apparently the dude carrying his mat home was "work") The Religious leaders stopped him and asked "Why are you walking. You've never been able to walk." "That awesome amazing guy over there did."
Being the Son of God that Jesus was, I'm sure he was fully aware of the fact that no work was to be done on the Sabbath, but he healed the man away. I think, part of the reason Jesus did this, was to show how much He hate all these rules, these non-sense "religious laws", they had come up with. Yet, some churches are starting to be more into religion instead of a relationship with Jesus. No one wants to make anyone feel uncomfortable at church... Jesus wasn't to worried about making people uncomfortable, freaking people out with His awesome powers and stuff. Why do we contain our love for Him?
If I was Jesus, and I carried that HUGE cross up this massive hill, Got beat almost to death, hung on a cross, stabbed, Beat up Satan and Hell, and got raised again. I wouldn't want these two-second prayers "Dear Jesus, Thank you for everything, Help me be better. Amen." (When the prayers actually tanslate into "Dear Guy I'm forced to pray to, I got everything under control. I'm really glad I can live my life the way I want, and still think I'm okay with you.")
I, myself, am more concerned with the praise I think Jesus deserves. I don't care is around, or who is listening, or what people are thinking, or what your "rules" say. When my God tells me to WORSHIP, I will give it all I got. I'll jump, dance, stand still, fall on my face, cry, sing, or dance. I'll do ANYTHING for the GOD that didn't have to ANYTHING for me, INSTEAD He does EVERYTHING for me.
Friday, September 30, 2011
I wish we had a brain.
Yes, Yes! The tital is from the Wizard of Oz!! Hahaha.
Okay; FOR REAL.
1) BOOTY SHORTS WITH A HOODIE ON.
•If you wear this out, and it's cold enough for you to have on a hoodie, yet you choose to wear shorts that show your butt, I DO NOT want to hear you complain about being cold. Honestly, It's stupid.. Did you really think before you got dressed? This is how I conversation went down one time.
Stupid person: "OMG.. It's soooo cold."
Me: "Wear pants."
Stupid person: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Me: ".... -_-... Well, if it's cold, dress for the weather."
SP: "I am.. I have a hoodie on."
Me: *thinking. 'Please, go crawl in a hole and die. You have no purpose in this world.'* Says "Well.. you're sitting on metal bleachers.. But.. You're butt is hanging out of your shorts. Metal bleachers are cold. Skin is touching the cold.. So.. You're cold."
SP: "But I look hot."
Me: Thinking. PLEASE. JUST GO CRAWL IN A HOLE. "Well.. You also think you look hot in bikini, but you don't wear that in the winter..."
SP: "Well Noooo silly. It's cold then! and all the pools are closed."
People like that make me wish I was born about 25 years before my orginal birth, or that I could smack them with a chair.. FOR REAL.
Does ANYONE think anymore? Ever? I swear, people make me want to vomit. WHY MUST PEOPLE WANT TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE? If we had some orginality, we might actually get someone, but if my generation is more concerned with "looking hot" than what REALLY matters in life we should go ahead and wave a white flag. " I surrender Future, I'm just stupid and While I'm giving up. Let me make sure I look hot. I need my butt and boobs hanging out."
Goodness. Get a brain.
Okay; FOR REAL.
1) BOOTY SHORTS WITH A HOODIE ON.
•If you wear this out, and it's cold enough for you to have on a hoodie, yet you choose to wear shorts that show your butt, I DO NOT want to hear you complain about being cold. Honestly, It's stupid.. Did you really think before you got dressed? This is how I conversation went down one time.
Stupid person: "OMG.. It's soooo cold."
Me: "Wear pants."
Stupid person: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Me: ".... -_-... Well, if it's cold, dress for the weather."
SP: "I am.. I have a hoodie on."
Me: *thinking. 'Please, go crawl in a hole and die. You have no purpose in this world.'* Says "Well.. you're sitting on metal bleachers.. But.. You're butt is hanging out of your shorts. Metal bleachers are cold. Skin is touching the cold.. So.. You're cold."
SP: "But I look hot."
Me: Thinking. PLEASE. JUST GO CRAWL IN A HOLE. "Well.. You also think you look hot in bikini, but you don't wear that in the winter..."
SP: "Well Noooo silly. It's cold then! and all the pools are closed."
People like that make me wish I was born about 25 years before my orginal birth, or that I could smack them with a chair.. FOR REAL.
Does ANYONE think anymore? Ever? I swear, people make me want to vomit. WHY MUST PEOPLE WANT TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE? If we had some orginality, we might actually get someone, but if my generation is more concerned with "looking hot" than what REALLY matters in life we should go ahead and wave a white flag. " I surrender Future, I'm just stupid and While I'm giving up. Let me make sure I look hot. I need my butt and boobs hanging out."
Goodness. Get a brain.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)